She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
