my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
