What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
