where does the pee come out of this thing
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
