It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
