she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
