jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize