trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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