Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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