I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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