just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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