my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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