whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He passed out mid-signature
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
