Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
