just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
