I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
