i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
