Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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