So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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