Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
