"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
