in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
