Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
