babies were throwing up all over the place
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drake has all the answers
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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