Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
