I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
