Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
