This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
