Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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