I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
