I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
