it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
