why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He shit in the fireplace
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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