Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
