I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
