she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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