While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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