look no pants
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so much tequila, so little girl.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
