Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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