This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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