He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
