he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
