My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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