I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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