hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
