Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
