Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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