Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
