and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
