They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
