he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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