I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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