We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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