the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
