My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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