Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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