How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
