my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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