So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
