I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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