and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
