i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
