I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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