I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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