oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
