I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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