her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
