wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All the doctor said was why
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
