According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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