How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
