first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize