Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
