I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
