dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
