i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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