Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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