the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
