We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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