At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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