What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize